this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
