I heard we made out
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And then he peed in my hair
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
