she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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