The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
