I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize