Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
