is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
