She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i drank out of a bidet.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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