I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
