do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
