My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My ATM looks so different sober.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
