youre lurking in front of me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
