I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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