i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
