hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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