My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
