are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
