Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
