She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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