when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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