He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
