i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
