exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
