Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
