remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
