I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
