I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
