So drunk its hurt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
