He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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