i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
