He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
