A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
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I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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