His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
as a side note pls kill me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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