Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
