This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this beer tastes like vomit already
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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