This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
