God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
not ubering you a puppy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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