It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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