Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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