I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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