sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
