are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
