If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
