the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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