Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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