you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize