I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
