So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
