i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
