I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
