she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
