Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
