Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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