apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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