Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
