i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
