So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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