just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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