i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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