i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
