Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
