how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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