i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
