Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
