I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
