my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
