I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
