My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
