there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
