Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
