Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
