I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
