she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
